Choose a "Boring" Paragraph from the sheet that was handed out in class today.
Rewrite it on the sheet making it more exciting just like we have been doing in class - be sure to use a fun beginning, lots of adjectives, descriptive verbs and adjectives, similes, sound effects.
Example "Boring" Paragraph:
We got a puppy. She is cute. We named her Riley. She is white and black. She likes to play. She sleeps on my bed. We take her for walks. I love my dog, Riley.
Example "Better" Paragraph (this was done as a whole class in school today):
Whoo hoo! I'm so excited that I am hopping around my room like a Mexican jumping bean! This is the day I have been waiting for my whole life! We got an adorable, fluffy, little puppy. We thought all day about what to name her... finally I yelled out, "Riley!!!" "Woof Woof," Riley called out when she heard it. What a perfect name! She is white like a cotton ball and has lots of black spots, and big floppy black ears. So adorable! She plays by bouncing all over the house and tripping clumsily over her ginormous paws. During the day, we take her for long walks around our awesome neighborhood so she can get her exercise and at night, she and I curl up together on my comfy bed and fall fast asleep. I never thought I would be able to get a dog and I love her so much sometimes I feel like my heart might burst! What an awesome feeling!
Directions:
Click on comments
Type your final draft of your new paragraph in the box
Sign your name in the box underneath the paragraph
Click that you're not a robot
Hit publish your comment
24 comments:
I can't wait ti read your new paragraphs tomorrow!
Oops! I meant I cant wait TO read your new paragraphs tomorrow!
Mrs. Laverty :)
Yeah! I finally got a puppy and I love them so much like a cozy bed. It is also very cute and cuddly. But the only thing is that they are a lot of work because you have to feed them, walk them and take them to the vet once a month. I got a newborn golden retriever. Swathi Kannan
Rachelle Yesterday I had a snowball fight with my best friend. It was freezing outside I felt like my fingers were going to frees off. The snowballs were spherical it was awesome. I threw a ice cold snowball at my best friend. It smashed him in the back bam!!! I laughed hysterically at him and fell down. Finally we went inside to be greeted with the most delicious yummiest hot chocolate in the world.
Yesterday I had the most intense snowball fight with my best friend. It was frigid outside. BBRRRR! The snowballs were perfectly circular. I threw the biggest snowball one at my friends back. It was so hilarious we started to
chuckle. We went inside to have my moms famous hot chocolate. Sip!
Anthony Parlante
Harman Yesterday I had the best snowball fight with my friend. It was so cold I couldn't feel my hands. The snowballs were as round as a baseball. I threw a snowball at my friend really hard. It hit him on the back "NOO" he said. I laughed so hard that i fell in the snow. Then we went inside to have hot chocolate it was the best hot chocolate ever!!!!!
"Yay" On a snowy day, five of my friends came over to have the best time ever! It was chilly and with a lot of snow outside. We decided to build big and round snow mans and make some snow angels. We had snow much fun. After a while playing and having fun in the snow we went inside to have some delicious hot cocoa with tiny marshmallows. Bianca Benvenutti
I love dogs they are so cute and cuddly. They take a lot of work to take care of because you have to feed them,walk them and if they get sick it is expensive to take them to the vet. Today my parents said I can have a puppy and I want a golden retreiver.
Parker Medeiros
WOW! This summer I am going to to a awesome camp! It is more like a sleeping camp than regular camp. I am really nervous beacause I haven't stayed home that long from home,but I'm so excited too!there is a lot to do there, there is a swimming lessons, arts and crafts and Much much more! I hope I get to sleep in a cabin with my newly made friends. I think I will have the best summer ever!
--Casey Wong 😎
My favorite animals are dogs. They are so adorable I just love them so much. Sometimes my mom tells me that dogs are as cute as a bugs ear. I think dogs are amazing because they are so cuddly and cute. Even though taking care of dogs is a lot of work it is all worth it when it comes to the end of the day where they just come to your bed and snuggle up with you. When I told all of this to my parents they said I can get a dog!!!! I can't wait this is awesome. The dog I want the most is a golden retriever they are so cute.
Devasri Damodaran
yesterday i went outside and had a snowball fight with my friend it was freezing outside we made the white snowballs round. I threw one of them at my friend and it hit him on the back.i lighted at him because it was funny! After we went inside and had a warm cup of hot chocolate it was delouses! I LOVE the snow its amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!
EMMA FIORE
Yay! I am very excited. I am going to the awesome carnival today. I am going with my whole family. It is at the enormous mall. The huge rides there are spectacular. I like their delicious cotton candy and amazing games. I won lots of awesome prizes. What a amazing day. By Sanjay Suresh
yesterday I had very painful snowball fight with my friend.It was as cold as ice.the
snowballs were as fast as a police car.I hit him hard on the back.I had the best hot
chocolate every
Yesterday my friend Andrew and I had a snowball fight. It was as cold as the water in the Arctic ocean. The snow balls were so round they looked like baseballs. I thew a ROCKET of a snow ball at my friends back causing him to angrily scream "OUCHHHH!". I laughed so hard I fell over. Later that night we were talking about are snow ball fight while we were sipping are hot chocolate.
-MARK DICKSON :)
:) :) :)
Yesterday my friend Andrew and I had a snowball fight. It was as cold as the water in the Arctic ocean. The snowballs were so round they looked like baseballs. I thew a ROCKET of a snowball at my friends back causing him to angrily scream "OUCHHHH!". I laughed so hard I fell over. Later that night we were talking about our snowball fight while we were sipping our hot chocolate and laughing.
-MARK DICKSON :) (This is the corrected version. I accidentally sent my rough draft first)
:) :) :)
October 19, 2015 at 4:06 PM
Woof!Woof! Finally I have my golden retriever I am going to name him
Bruno. Bruno is a supper cuddly puppy. He likes to eat his delicious and tasty vanilla biscuits. When I take him for a walk he actually runs He runs so fast I cant ceep up. Olivia campbell
Wooho! I'm very excited because I'm going to the carnival today. And I'm going with my family,we are very excited. It is going to be at the mall. The rides are going to be awesome. I loved the cotton candy and playing all of their games I got so many prizes. It was an awesome
day.Rahul Perumal
This summer I am going to a awesome camp.It is a sleep over camp.I have never stayed away from home for that long.Im very nervous.But i'm also very excited to.There is a lot of fun things to do there.Yay! They have swimming lessons.There are arts and craft's to!I hope that I make lots of new friends.
I would like to get a cute puppy. I love them so much like a super, cozy bed. They are very soft and adorable. Caring for a puppy requires a lot of work. You have to feed them regularly and walk them daily. You have to bring them to the vet for an annual checkup. I am super excited that I am going to get a Golden Retriever. Swathi Kannan I rewrote my paper and this is my correct version.
I just got a amazing new puppy.She is adorable,magnificent and always joyful. She loves sleeping in my cozy bed.We thought for a wile and then the name Sophie went to the top of my head it was perfect.She loves going on walks with her it is a adventure.We like to play tug of war and fetch.She is brown but mostly white. she gets a treat when she dose a tricks are is good.I love Sophie so much she is the best.
Let me tell you about the best day of my life! It is Christmas morning,I go flying down the stairs. When I look at one of my presents it is huge like a toy house. The colors on the present where so bright it was orange and as green as a pair of neon green ellite socks! I sprinted to the present but before I got there it started to move! I said to myself, I wonder what it is? So I ripped it open and a puppy jumped out! It was so cute, it was tan and black with pointy ears, It was a GERMAN SHEPARD!!!! I ran over to my parents and said Thank you so much and gave them a big huge bear hug. That is the best day of my life.
Jay Charpentier
I'm so exited because i'm going to the carnival. I'm going to the carnival with my awesome family. The carnival was in a big mall. Thar so amassing. I love the cotton candy. I also love the games. I one a bunch of prizes. Today.Today was so awesome!
Jillian
Post a Comment